I was drowning again, drowning in my thoughts, drowning in my guilt.

I kept questioning myself.
'Why am I worthless?' 'Why can't I ever get things done properly?' 'Does anyone even care about me?'
They just laugh with me but I know deep down that their hearts don't care.

'Why am I the only one with all these baggage?'

Every part of me wants to give up. Every one I have ever trusted tried to use me.

Can't you see I am filthy? Even the people I love and call family now see me as a liability. While my mind is drowning in being rejected and worthless, my health is also drowning in sickle cell and asthma. I am all alone! I am tired! I am weak! I don't think I can fight anymore.

Rather than drowning in all these problems, I think it's best I drown in my own blood. After all, no one will even remember I once lived. I am done struggling and fighting when no one cares and no one is willing to be with me. I am so lonely and weak.😭😭


These were the thoughts in my head. I was done with me. But God wasn't.

He wanted me to understand that he had been and is still with me. I just couldn't see it. While I was still in this battle, I heard Him say to me...

"Even though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I am with thee".

NO! The other Spirit speaking said to my mind. He had made me believe those thoughts were from me. I'm not ready to listen to that. I have heard that a million times but I can't believe it. You have never been there for me. Please leave me alone.

I was confused. I couldn't resist the urge to end this endless journey but I felt restricted.

Once again I heard him say to me, "I have always been with you and am still standing here.

The truth was that I really struggled to believe that. What do you mean? I don't see any trace of you. All I see are my failures, rejection, filthiness and mess.

Then he said to me, ''Even when you couldn't see or feel me, I have always been here, hoping that one day you would hear my voice and open the door of your heart for me to come in and heal you. I love you so much and I can never leave you. I have always been here, I am still here, and I will remain with you every step of the way no matter how hard you feel it is for you. I am here to help you carry your burden''.

As He spoke, I literally began to feel the love he spoke about. I could envision him in my heart, looking at me with so much love in his eyes and waiting for me to run into his waiting arms. Then I realized he had always been there but pain and shame blurred my vision of seeing him.

He became so real to me that many days after that experience, even while I was on the sick bed battling with another sickle cell crisis, I could see him holding my hands and absorbing the pains I felt. I didn't struggle anymore because I had with me "a great high priest that is touched with the feeling of my infirmities" and was willing to take them away.

All I had to do was to cast my burdens on him who was willing to help me and I became very conscious of that truth.

In the book ''The Final Quest'', Rick Joyner wrote that "What you see with the eyes of
your heart is more real than what you see with your physical eyes".

I know you have been worried lately about what is happening around you. I know alot of things are not going well and it seems you are all alone and you are stressed out and tired of fighting.

The truth is that God lives in you and he has promised never to leave you nor forsake you. But can you see him with you? Can you see him even in the midst of the storm and have peace?

The Consciousness of God with you cannot be overemphasized. GOD IS WITH YOU!

One thing that happens to us as singles is that when we have issues that trouble us, the devil tries to make our singleness look like a disease to us. This is one of the reasons why many of us rush into some seemingly "godly relationships" because we are no longer comfortable with our singleness and we feel we need companionship.

The greatest companion you can ever have is the Holy Spirit. All you need to do is to build your consciousness of the fact that he is ever with you. That you are not alone.

One way to do this is to spend time with God's word, studying about his promises to you.
Meditate on God's promises over you until they become a part of you. Never feel you are alone.


These are some of His promises to always be with you:

Heb.13.5b - For God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never forsake you."

Ps.23.4 - Even when I walk through the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.

Isa.43.2 - When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

Phil.4.6 - Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
Phil.4.7 - If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus

1Pet.5.7 - Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you.


Hello dear, take your eyes off your worries and fix them on Jesus. He is right beside you and always willing to help.